if only, you tried to be polite.

the govt totally sux

2010-04-24T12:04:00.000-07:00

oh yeah?

guess what?

i'm left with 6 fucking weeks from now!

the only moment we were alone

2010-04-04T21:41:00.000-07:00

and so, i've booked my flight from Singapore to India, one way.

i'm left with these:

1. Book return flights from Chennai to Port Blair

2. Book train tickets for travelling around India

3. Get permits to visit Manali Leh Highway, Sikkim & N.E. India

4. Book bus tix to Nepal via border from Sikkim

5. Go on the Annapurna Trek for acclimatisation

6. Go on another trek in Nepal

7. Free & Easy in Kathmandu

8. Cross back to India

9. Will plan from there. Haha.

silence

2010-03-20T13:21:00.001-07:00

for fuck sake. get over it.

2010

2010-01-31T04:19:00.000-08:00

it's a breath of fresh air.

2010. couple of things that i would like to achieve during this year. i know this year is going to be an easy one for me if i focus on one thing at a time.

1. ORD

2. Backpacking trip. (Confirmed ones are India, Sri Lanka, Nepal & Bhutan)

law of attraction

2010-01-24T01:26:00.001-08:00

i shall start applying the law of attraction from today onwards.

i don't want this negative vibe to keep lingering onto me and at the end of the day, feeling like a loser.

goodbye.

2010-01-04T19:31:00.000-08:00

in the search for tranquility
unsure of the circumstances
in this depth of chaos and beautiful culture
i began to learn and love
where in that particular moment
i knew what was best for me
for time has come to an end
to me to say goodbye to this wonderful city

so long, Vietnam.
till we meet again, in our future love-capades.

angsty nancy

2009-12-28T05:41:00.000-08:00

you don't understand. i was not hoping for this to happen.

you are just screwed up. you are just as stupid as you look.

you don't get it aye?

i need some personal space to wank it out.

stop behaving like a slimey bitch.

Hi. I'm Empty. So tell me you care for me.

2009-12-18T08:47:00.000-08:00

You're my last breath, you're a breath of fresh air to me.

alone.

2009-12-16T04:29:00.000-08:00

it's quiet. i shouldn't have.

it's been a tough ride for me. casual meetups with mr alco and mrs zzz seem to be pointless.
i'm trying my very best to handle this, but it's too much.

can somebody save my life? please?

you've been gone too long beyond the love is gone~

2009-12-13T19:41:00.000-08:00

No, I can't get out I'm trapped inside of it I won't let go Pain keeps driving it, I I only hope and pray That I can make you pay Keep pushing it I keep pushing on  I did the best I could I learned to sacrifice I tried to make it work This time away has done me good It's a change from you  Keep switching me off and on and off and on and off I've put myself back together You've been gone too long beyond, the love is gone You thought I'd be free forever Keep switching me off and on and off and on and off I've put myself back together You've been gone too long beyond, the love is gone I got my life back together  No, I can't turn back I'm sick and tired of it The love broke down I've rewired it I'm only human, babe You let the feeling fade Keep pushing Till I've reached the other ground  I tried to make it right When every door was closed Your love is all I had I tried to make an honest man, o-o-oh I love you  Wired to the sun like a laser beam Power surge, come feel the energy And I'm letting it shine again  Keep switching me off and on and off and on and off I've put myself back together You've been gone too long beyond, the love is gone You thought I'd be free forever Keep switching me off and on and off and on and off I've put myself back together You've been gone too long beyond, the love is gone I got my life back together

love me if you dare

2009-12-07T06:43:00.000-08:00

the heart is really the biggest enemy.
i hate you.

all this while i try to overpower you by brain
in the end, i lost.

so long, lonesome. and goodbye.

ongacha

2009-11-23T04:46:00.000-08:00

to my sweetest ongacha.
please call me.
i miss you.

around the world~

2009-11-21T09:21:00.001-08:00

Ho Chi Minh City & Hanoi - 29th Dec to 05th Jan 2010

Thailand - After 12th Jun 2010

Darjeeling, India - Nov 2010

Spain or New York - Jan 2011?

the earth is a cold dead place

2009-11-20T03:02:00.000-08:00

please don't expect anything to happen from me.

2009-11-15T05:16:00.000-08:00

come out

hold on.

i did see that movement

familiar silhouette you've got there

i'd love to strum that guitar

but these fingers are killing me softly

with that heroin based tunes that you played for me

of coffee, ciggies and random evenings.

2009-11-15T05:12:00.000-08:00

your hand in mine

first breath after coma

yesterday was that very last day.

2009-11-06T19:17:00.001-08:00

you know how it feels to see someone whom you liked leaves right in front of you?

devastating.

unveiling a new beginning

2009-10-24T23:10:00.001-07:00

- farnwahab - ? or farnWahab?

quiet times

2009-10-17T01:11:00.000-07:00

i certainly believe this is the most recent update after few months
blame it on my everyday activities. like real.
three books within a week, basically local gay literature, set me thinking
from the first one bound to be emotionally groundbreaking and leaves you depressing
the next two were more of voicing it out in this very small city. really mature content if you tell me.
nonetheless i enjoyed reading these. at least i know the clock strikes 4.17pm on a stupid saturday doing so-called duty of honour. my ass.

********

there were moments i thought of how i wanted life to be
just like some sort of fairytale; isnt that what everyone hoped for?
it seems impossible but it can be done though, just need time.
for my case i certainly let nature take its course.
its not that im jaded by love or what
somehow this amount of commitment for relationship or more slowly depleting.
like what happened between me n N.
i wouldn't say its a love to love relationship that sort but it was somehow special
i dumped N anyway. N is really a nice person, just that doesnt physically appealed to me after some time, although i loved N's personality and likings/dislikes to things.
bound to be quirky. im tacky thats for sure.
even zurah knows that. but i kinda get sick when ppl kept asking me how come i do not have a soulmate. zurah told me some of the gfs asked her so.
its not that i do not want. in fact i do love the idea of having a soulmate. but in today's context, im really not prepared to commit myself to one. and i keep seeing N eventhough im over with N.
life is strange. just like how the apple drops off from the tree, knocked on Isaac Newton's head; besides wondering how it fell, maybe he must've been thinking if he's getting new lovely hardcore fuck on that day itself. lmao.

oh well, i shall keep on listening to your hands in mine until i get really2 depressed and off to dinner.

the last goodbye

2009-08-29T07:41:00.000-07:00

that very night came.
unbelievable.
i swear to myself not to shed a tear
but looking upon you leaving your loved ones for a good cause
cracks my heart

i wish i could turn back time
to school daze
your 'beloved' groupmates
your smelly feet
your love for cuttlefish

please do take care of yourself.
the usual group will wait for your return in 2012.
i love you babe.
we'll always remember you. and don't forget us ok.

to deedee.

love. farhan.

STUPID

2009-07-25T22:29:00.000-07:00

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT MY MUM IS SHALLOW AND STUPID. PERIOD.

glittering stars

2009-07-11T13:29:00.000-07:00

it's been awhile....

*****

from now onwards, it's a new chapter.
let it begin with a breath of fresh air.
numb-fucked individuals shall not be a hindrance to me.
for which i foresee in times to come
i would have achieve that ultimate goal
the power of loving one self.

from now onwards, it's serenity.

explosions in the sky

2009-06-07T04:53:00.000-07:00

it's very difficult to accept facts.
most of the time they are hard to be swallowed.
in the first place, was I given a choice?
it's totally mental.
the painful procedure almost every week. throughout these few years.
depressing.
do you know it hurts?

positivity alone does not help.
let alone your inner motivation spirit.

olsen olsen

2009-05-23T06:56:00.000-07:00

i know this is hard.
choked while trying to swallow it.
i hate this now. i just want this to be over.
and take me far away from here~

let me go on a journey alone
be it on a hiatus.
discovering the inner depths of what the truth is hidden
im getting weary of this
random softcores and fucks seems to be worthless now

angsty nancy

2009-05-21T18:47:00.000-07:00

ouh i know people are making use of me.
don't just let me burst out my angst to you guys, causing widespread hatred.
and fuck you. you're the biggest goddamn motherfucking asshole, peabrain shit.
you useless pile of bullshit.
fuck you. i'm warning you.

time has cast a shadow

2009-05-14T06:05:00.000-07:00

the moment where i paused, down the sidewalk
waiting for you to pass through
you know that there is no forsaking.
this heart, is meant for breaking.

planning

2009-04-30T07:08:00.000-07:00

oh yes. i shall start this now.
i shall start saving. save save save.
HONGKONG!!!!

deeper conversation

2009-04-02T11:57:00.000-07:00

Credits: Deviantart.com

Is your favourite colour blue?
Do you always tell the truth?
Do you believe in outerspace?
And im learning you

Is your skin as tanned as mine?
Does your hair flow sideways?
Did someone took a portion of your heart?
And im learning you

And if you dont mind
Can you tell me
All your hopes and fears and
Everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me

I let my guard down for you
And in time you will too if you dont mind
Can you tell me All your hopes and fears and
Everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me if you dont mind
Can you tell me All your hopes and fears and
Everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me

latest obsession~

2009-04-01T10:24:00.000-07:00

yuna from malaysia. love her.
current favs: rocket & deeper conversation

'deeper conversation'

'rocket'

goodbye again~

2009-03-17T02:08:00.000-07:00

first it was taiwan.
now its brunei.
in future? hopefully taiwan again wahaha.

nevertheless. ill see you guys in two weeks time~

confession

2009-03-12T19:21:00.000-07:00

i tend to see the world as a globe full of surprises.
that was some good sharing with zurah earlier last night.
it felt serene and calm that night.

let me recall. have you ever felt as if you knew someone a lot but in the end you ended up dissapointed because of some stupid remarks that he/she gave you. well i wouldn't want to mention names but it is really heartbreaking.

'i think we have both different lifestyles. i mean i can't be like you getting drunk all the time. i'm not used to it.' one of the remarks that i received. fuck you and the horse you rode on. in the first place, did i even ask anything in return when you need help? NO. I did it because i knew you the best and we went through the same shit together. it really pisses me off when you said that but nevertheless i couldnt say much. i realise how friends whom you think you're close with come and go when there is this moment you went apart. it really saddens me. its not that im asking you to be friends for life but at least show some gratitute towards our friendship. Definitely i am grateful to have my close friends around me; they've been so supportive and tolerating all of my nonsence but still we loved each other.

secondly, its really hard to get rid of this feeling i have for this person. i mean, we met in school and stuff. i always wish we will find one quiet corner to make out or something haha. however, i know its impossible given by present situation and i still treat this person as my close friend. i hate this feeling but i wish i can get rid of this feeling asap. i hate the fact it keeps lingering to me, clinging like nobody's business. sometimes, theres a point of time where i wanted to cry because i miss (lets give this person a name) NM like fuck. even though I know NM is not -toot-, but as friends, i always yearned for NM's companionship. Let it be 1-2 hours, at least it gives me a sense of satisfaction (not sexual mind you) that I know I am not alone.

thirdly, i really miss N. Nobody knows that I cried everytime I think about N. Blame me for being a jerk. It was my decision to make us drift apart by ignoring N's smses and stuff. Its a mutual feeling that I couldnt' describe through words. Each day I think about N I'll be like, 'How is N doing right now?'

after looking back through everything, i realise there's nothing i can do about it. just suck it up and hopefully one day lady luck will just hit you with the onion curry pot. just like how hudah loves her curry. just like how dayana loves her busuk hair and smelly feet. just like how zurah loves to fart. i love my wonderful people.

brothers on a hotel bed

2009-03-08T00:49:00.000-08:00

Credits: heylibertine, deviantart.

You may tire of me as our December sun is setting because I’m not who I used to be.
No longer easy on the eyes but these wrinkles masterfully disguise,
The youthful boy below who turned your way and saw,
Something he was not looking for; both a beginning and an end.
But now he lives inside someone he does not recognize,
When he catches his reflection on accident.

On the back of a motor bike,
With your arms outstretched trying to take flight;
Leaving everything behind.
But even at our swiftest speed we couldn't break from the concrete,
In the city where we still reside.
And I have learned that even landlocked lovers yearn for the sea like navy men,
'Cause now we say goodnight from our own separate sides,
Like brothers on a hotel bed.
Like brothers on a hotel bed.
Like brothers on a hotel bed.
Like brothers on a hotel bed.

You may tire of me as our December sun is setting because I’m not who I used to be.

lost soul

2009-03-06T06:59:00.001-08:00

sometimes i guess things happen for a reason.
although the fact that i tried to suck it up too much and try to have a positive mindset
it fuck the whole thing up.
which is why im so sad because i couldnt even be myself.

why?

2009-03-01T03:04:00.000-08:00

im dreading to go to that place.
i don't really know why
i hate that place actually.
exactly.
sometimes i tried to take it positively but deep inside it kept screaming out loud.

....

2009-02-27T04:19:00.000-08:00

im so depressed right now.

Blind My Mind~

2009-01-29T18:45:00.000-08:00

Bring your head against the wall
So I can see where I will fall
Bring your mind into my head
Find your playing den
All in all it´s just a start
All we had was more than that
All in all I can´t go back
To where we started out
So bring my head up to Mont Blanc
So you will see what you would find
Bring my head against the wall
So you can see where I will go
All in all it´s just your fault
Made me feel respect no more
All in all I can´t go back
Blind my mind inside
Bring my mind inside your head
So you can see where I went then
Bring your head against the wall
So I can see where I will fall
All in all it´s just your fault
Made me feel respect no more
All in all I can´t go back
Blind My mind inside
Blind My mind inside
All your lies
Made me feel respect no more
All your lies
Blind My mind inside
All your lies
Made me feel respect no more
All your lies
Made me feel respect no more
All your lies
Blind My mind inside
All your lies
Made me feel respect no more
All your lies
Blind My mind inside
Blind My mind inside
Blind My mind inside

Changeling - A True Story

2009-01-26T14:26:00.000-08:00

Credits: http://werichanel.files.wordpress.com

Based on a true story. Heartwarming. This is definitely worth your money. I give it 4 half out of 5 stars. Every moment really captures the audience.

back to black

2009-01-23T17:00:00.000-08:00

still taiwan mood.
although im not really looking forward for the 'chongsua' part.
nevertheless its only 3 weeks.
and im outta here.
more freedom i guess? oh well and more $$$
i can't wait for bali + bandung trip in june/july 09
i can't wait to get my hands on that macbook pro (but when?)
i can't wait to get my hands on that backpack!
i can't wait to get my hands on my drawing pad and start work!
i can't wait to get my hands on the fabrics all over Singapore!!~

lalala~

2009-01-20T04:14:00.001-08:00

Im counting down. 11 more days.

Letter to a crush~

2009-01-20T00:40:00.000-08:00

Dear crush,

I knew you ever since I stepped into the world of fashion. Full of quirkiness and anxiety. Period.
I like how physically attractive you are. When you're quiet, you're actually observing and that is what I really like about you.
Everyday I always dream of making out with you even though I know you are not -toot-. However I know it is not possible and I respect the friendship we have until now.
You knew that I like you but you kept hush about it and ok about it. Even though I admire you for period of time I still respect you as my friend and I do not want this friendship to turn sour.
Sometimes I just wish that my ideal soulmate would have been you but too bad I guess it just happen to turn out this way yeah.

Love,
Farhan

jeng jeng jeng!~

2009-01-19T11:19:00.000-08:00

An idea of my collection: Being original, I'm looking at the things circling around me. It's my way of expressing myself as an individual.

Nantikan debarannya..~

to a friend. i love you.

2009-01-19T11:17:00.000-08:00

(Flunk - Personal Stereo)

This one goes out to the one I love
This one goes out to the one I love
This one goes out to the one I love
Coming to you, on your personal stereo

I'm coming back to play
But I don't know the rules
And I'm nobody'
So should I stay, or should I walk away?

I'm coming back to play
But I don't know the rules
And I don't know the name of this game
So if you want it any other way - it's OK

This one goes out to the one I love
This one goes out to the one I love
This one goes out to the one I love
Coming to you, on your personal stereo

I coming back to play
But there are still things to learn
About religion and science and love
I know, cause I'm an amateur and you're a pro

Thank you. Despite we knew that we like to irritate each other, we always know what we want to achieve in life. I think I did my part as someone whom I think has to shoulder the responsibility of making you happy. Seeing you depressed makes me feel horrible. I love you.

solemn.

2009-01-19T11:07:00.001-08:00

im sad. period.
i guess life just suck to the core.

counting down~

2009-01-16T14:04:00.000-08:00

counting down to the days~
4 weeks. and its over!

for now quite relieved most of the major exercises ended with a good note. the only thing is taiwan. better be mentally and physically prepared.

goodbye

2009-01-16T14:02:00.000-08:00

well finally you've found someone.
in the first place somehow got demoralised although i made the decision to dump you
i found yourself boring. you bore me to the core. despite the fact you're extremely nice to me.
i guess everybody's changing and i don't feel the same like you do.

Fashion

2009-01-10T14:05:00.000-08:00

Just want to share something:

1. Nanyang Academy of Fine - Department of Fashion Studies presents the Graduation Fashion Show for Diploma in Fashion Merchandising & Marketing 2008.

Group/Brand: Siren

Group/Brand: Odd

Group/Brand: JellyBelly

2. Fashion is my passion.

Gareth Pugh Fall/Winter 2008/2009 (HOTSEX)
I fucking had an orgasm upon seeing this:

Gareth Pugh Spring 2009
OMFGGGGGG!!!!!!!!

3. HILARIOUS FUCK

Fucking iPad hahaha

Substitute Teacher

Ok that's all. Just being random. Bwahhahaa

Shattered~

2009-01-10T14:03:00.000-08:00

I'm trying to control myself
So please don't stand in my way
I've waited for the longest time
This is what I wanted in my way

Move over, move over
There's a climax coming in my way
Move over, move over
There's a climax coming in my way

I don't like you, don't compromise
Shattered by your weakness
Shattered by your smile
And I'm not very fond of you, and your lies
Shattered by your weaknesses
Shattered by your smile

All the kids are going back to school
The summer's over it's the golden rule
And now I'm coming out to play
So please don't stand in my way
And all the things that seemed once to be
So important to me
Seem so trivial now that I can see

Move over, move over
There's a climax coming my way x2

I don't like you, don't compromise
Shattered by your weakness
Shattered by your smile
And I'm not very fond of you, and your lies
Shattered by your weaknesses
Shattered by your smile

Please don't stand in my way

comforting sounds~

2009-01-03T19:12:00.000-08:00



I don’t feel alright
in spite of these comforting
sounds you make
I don’t feel alright
because you make promises
that you break

Into your house
why don’t we share
our solitude
Nothing is pure
anymore
but solitude

It’s hard to make sense
feels as if I’m sensing you
through a lens
If someone else comes
I’ll just sit here listening
to the drums

Previously
I never called
it solitude

And probably you know
all the dirty shows I’ve put on
Blunted and exhausted like anyone
Honestly I tried to avoid it
Honestly
Back when we were kids
we would always know when to stop
And now all the good kids are messing up
Nobody has gained or accomplished
anything

happy new year. (to be continued)

2009-01-03T04:33:00.000-08:00

oh well i know its way bit too late.
yeah i know this is the year im looking forward to.
i also don't know why. crap.

1. get my driving license!
2. able to at least do 65% of collection.
3. pop with 3rd sgt and with pride we lead (haha)
4. bali + bandung trip

this is not happening..

2008-12-30T22:25:00.001-08:00

oh fuck.
hate this.
but i'll just leave them. hope everything's alright.

to do list

2008-12-28T01:51:00.000-08:00

1. get items for work n taiwan.
2. purchase mogwai concert tix upon paycheck.
3. get that bag from victoria jomo and vintage watch for nazurah from toy store.
4. that red striking loafers.
5. go for d&b at blu jazz cafe for new years eve.

period.

The UGLY BARNACLE!!

2008-12-26T15:00:00.000-08:00

of being random.

2008-12-26T14:01:00.000-08:00

muse.kl.stadium negara.feb 07.
mos with dudes.somewhere...07
halloweeen sep 07!!
pre infected mushroom celebration - zion - jun 08
some random shit before zouk - 07
haji lane - 07
broke weekend and sleepover - zurah's. dec 08

zoukout. dec 08. me and naz.

hot french

2008-12-23T09:46:00.000-08:00

seems just like yesterday
that we made out
it was hot.
it was the sex.
ooh! j'taime mon cherie.

metaphore

2008-12-14T01:06:00.000-08:00

-well hello to new space-